Heartaches

I have been meaning to write another blog post for quite some time.  The truth is these last couple of months have been  unexpected and trying.  I feel though these thoughts need to be put down so I can move forward. Also know that what I write is my own personal beliefs and opinions.

When Bryce and I got married, we  knew we wanted kids and a family. We also did not want to rush into it either. We believed that having kids is an act of faith. The Lord would bless us with kids when we were ready and we would gladly accept them. That is what I truly believed.  Well in October we were both so busy planning a tri-ward Halloween party that I did not realize I was late.  Sure enough I took a pregnancy test and I was pregnant.  We were so excited and nervous.  We would be expecting our first around July 2nd.  The night I took the pregnancy test, Bryce wanted to announce it to the world. Somehow I was able to convince him to start just with the family. The truth was, something just did not feel right. I spent a lot of time on my knees pleading with the Lord to protect the baby. A couple days later, I went in to see my OBGYN.  She confirmed I was pregnant. I shared my concerns (I was experiencing pain in my right abdomen), and so more tests were ordered for two days ahead. To shorten the story, my HCG levels had dropped confirming my worst fears, I would be losing this baby.  My OBGYN told Bryce and I, that miscarriages are common and when we were ready to go ahead and start trying again. The next couple of days were horrible. I did not want to talk or be around anyone.  I felt a horrible pain in my heart, a loss. I grateful for my job as a kindergarten teacher, because my students truly lifted my heart. 

Although we had suffered a great loss, Bryce and I felt the same way we had in the past about children.  The Lord would bless us with children if it was right, when we were ready, when He wanted us to have them.   Without really meaning to, we got pregnant again within weeks of the miscarriage.  I was determined to be as optimistic as I could. We were thrilled, but told each other we would not tell anyone until we had reached 12 weeks.  Again I spent every spare moment praying and pleading that the Lord would help me carry this child.  I immediately went in to see my OBGYN. Again she confirmed I was pregnant,  and ordered tests to be done in two days.  My HCG levels had gone drastically down.  My heart sank deeper than ever before. I felt like a murderer.  I felt like a sinner. If only I was more faithful, trustworthy. I felt alone. None of the women in my direct family had suffered a miscarriage.  Bryce couldn't understand me.  I really felt alone. I was, however, very lucky that my OBGYN had referred me to a infertility specialist.  I had my doubts, but set the appointment for the earliest possible opening (which was a month away).  I have to say the second miscarriage was much more difficult than the first. My days seemed to have less color. I continued just by putting one foot in front of the other.

Even though it might sound funny, talking about my miscarriages brings me hope.  I have found that it is actually very common and I love hearing success stories from other women and even men. I do have to say the burden, however, was drastically lifted as I went to the specialist. He listen to my concerns, was very honest with me, but more than that was and is willing to work with Bryce and I to help us.

I do not know our future, but Bryce and I keep our faith. We still believe that having children is an act of faith.  I guess we just have to be patient. Although I am not a mother yet, I have a taste of what it feels like to want to protect your children so badly. I guess it hard when you have no control. The things that I know to be true is that we are not alone in our life and in our trials. Trust in the Lord and He will direct thy path.

Friends if you have stories you would like to share, I would love to hear them.

Ain't No Other Man

Obviously I am not much of a blogger, but Saturday marks six months of marriage with Bryce and  I just wanted to share a little bit of our story. It all began with the very smooth line, "Hey I like your glasses".  What could I say I was smitten.  I do have to be honest and say it was not all rainbows and butterflies from there. Neither one of us was really willing to commit to the other.  Whenever anybody asked me about him, I would simply reply Bryce is my friend.  It  seems like Bryce went from just my friend to my husband.  If I am honest, that is probably exactly what happened. As my husband however, he has turned into my very best friend.  

I would have to say that the first month of marriage was the most difficult. As we were both used to living and being on our own, coming together as one was a little bit of a transition. You always hear that being married to a doctor, or lawyer is difficult because of the amount of hours they put into their work.   I guess I did not expect it would be similar to be the wife of a swim coach. Okay so probably not really. But he does not get home until 8 or later and he sometimes has swim meets during the weekends.  I love that my husband is a coach. He is so passionate about what he does, which is one of things that I love most about Bryce. So we just had to figure out how to enhance the quality of our time!

When we first got married we had two separate lives. He was coach,  and I was a kindergarten teacher.  I would get home around 6pm and start on dinner.  I did not know how to cook, still do not, but I had access to the internet.   Yes in the beginning it would take about 2 hours to cook a simple meal for my husband and I.  He would come home and we would enjoy our meal together. Side note- he is the number one fan of my cooking, because he says I cook with love... so true! Anyway we would enjoy our meal, and then get cozy on the couch and watch a movie or a show. At 10:30pm we would go to bed. This was our pattern. This was a recipe for our difficult first month of marriage.

How did we enhance the quality of our time? Well this is something we are still working on, but is constantly progressing.  We eat dinner at the table, to give us more time to talk without distractions.  Great move. We still do enjoy watching shows and movies, but we try not to spend all our time watching T.V.  We have added playing games, working out, cleaning, going out with the missionaries, and the list goes on of things we enjoy doing together.  Variety is good for us.  Enhancing our quality of time has been good for us, but I do have to admit what has strengthen our marriage is that both Bryce and I strive to be the best we can be.

I cannot speak for Bryce, so I will speak for myself. Bryce has been nothing but supportive of me. He is constantly cheering me on, in whatever I choose to do or become. This makes me want to be better.  The more he does for me, the more I appreciate him and want to be better. I feel like it does the same for him.  So the outcome is both of us striving to be better for the other, which strengthens our marriage. I am not sure if this makes sense out loud, but it does for me and I guess that is all that really matters. 

 

Well I hope whoever reads this post enjoys it! I am planning on writing more posts about  some of my passions and projects in later posts ;)

Change is All Around

Wow, so I do realize I have not blogged about anything in a very long time. I have been wanting to, but I guess I have been pretty busy this school year.  Let me give you a short recap of this school year!

In August I returned back to Beijing, China. While I was away during the summer two of my good friends, Lauren and Leah, moved me to a new apartment with them.  Lauren has spent most of her time outside of Beijing, due to work reasons. Living with Leah has been so much fun! She is a great cook and such a wonderful support!

In September/ October our Branch split. Luckily I was re- called to work with the Young Women, but this time as a Second Counselor.  Here we are baking a cake! Well we are missing a few girls in this picture! Since the split, we continue to do mutual together with the Beijing 4th branch. Our Branch consists of the lovely sisters, Sarah and Emily!

I immediately went back to work at Beanstalk International Bilingual School and began a new year teaching 3rd grade to 20 wonderful students. I have to be quite honest in saying we have all done a lot of learning this school. I am so glad that we have 9 more weeks together!  In addition this school year I was given the opportunity to be the third grade team leader, co-director of the school's Spring Show, and student adviser for the green team, after school social dance for students ages reception- 2nd grade, and movie- making for students 3rd - 6th grade.

At the end of September Leah, Sabrina, Vickie and I spent a  week traveling in Seoul, Korea. Leah and I actually were quite entertained just wandering around the streets of Seoul.  We went to drumming shows, international dance competitions, parades, and even a free Psy concert.

At the end of October Joanne, one of my dearest friends in Beijing was baptized! She is so awesome! She too has become one of my greatest supports here in Beijing! She is a power house and I am so grateful we are friends! In the beginning of November I got to go to Girl's Camp and be a  helper in the kitchen. We got to do girls camp on the Great wall! 

In December, I finally got to meet little miss Camila and play with Evandro! In other words I spent Christmas with the family at Gabby and Jose's house! It was a nice break from work and Beijing!

January was a month full of brave visitors.  It started off with an old family friend, Maggie coming out to visit and later Abram. It was nice having friends from home visit and see the world I have been living the last year and a half.   Abram and I went on a super trip. For two weeks we traveled Thailand and Cambodia.

January / February was really the month that I started focusing on what I would be doing the following school year.  Nothing felt right. For the next several months I had a theme song, "It's the Climb", by Miley Cyrus. I know very cheesy, but that song motivated me!  During this time I felt like I had no direction. After getting the right push by my principal I finally decided to start looking in the international route.  In April, I took the risk and flew 16 hours to London, England (only because I went to Dubai first) for an International teaching Job Fair.  As it turns out, I did not actually choose my job from attending the job fair. It was because I attended the fair that I felt confident with who I have become professionally and with the decision I have made!  I cannot express how happy I am with the decision I have made. The above picture was taken right before my first skype interview with Pechersk School International. Next fall I will be moving myself to Kyiv, Ukraine to teach 2nd grade at PSI!

Anyway, I have made it a goal to write more on my blog. Actually it is my goal to share more of my personal experiences and the many tender mercies I see from my Father in Heaven. I am just a regular girl, doing regular things. Somehow these regular things, were things I could have never imagined 8 years ago when I graduated high school or even 3 years ago when I returned back from serving a mission. Life is crazy, but oh so wonderful. Here are a few things that I know and have driven me to do things that I never though I would be capable of doing:

1. I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father.
2. Christ atoned not only for our all our sins, but also for all our pains, sicknesses, and afflictions.
3. If we keep the commandments we will be blessed in all aspects of our lives. 
4. There is no greater happiness then living and following the gospel of Jesus Christ.
5. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ and goes hand in hand with the Bible. The scriptures are a guide for our life.  We can receive much strength, comfort, and support if we read and study them on a daily basis.

Okay so those are just a few precious truths that I know.  I just wanted to publicly share these things and thank my family and friends for all of their support!

End of the School year!

Oh, how I cannot believe the end of my first year of teaching is coming to an end. Oh man, what a year it has been as well!  I am so glad I ended up teaching third grade. My students have kept me smiling this year. This past Monday, we had our 3rd grade Talent Show. We decided to do a talent show to wrap up our last unit on how artists express themselves using a variety of media.  Each class came up with a number to perform, and students from all the classes were able to perform their talents as well. It was a big success and we all had fun!  For the talent show, I decided to teach my class, "De Colores".  Sometimes I think I teach the students things to make myself laugh. This was probably one of those things.  I did not have a chance to record the actual performance from the talent show, but did have my students do it again for me today! I hope this makes you smile as much as it makes me! P.S. in the actual performance, I had the kids translate the song!

I just cannot believe Friday is my last day with these little guys! Time sure does fly.

About two weeks after Qingdao, I went to Hong Kong with some friends for the weekend! It was a great trip! Let's see as soon as we got off the plane, we rushed over to the temple, but it was close.  We still were able to spend some time on temple grounds and it was well needed!

 Hong Kong is beautiful, and has a tropical feel to it!  It is also very international and was nice to not stand out so much!

 While in Hong Kong, we went to visit the largest Buda!

 We also enjoyed some night markets!

The trip was short, and I know it is a place I would love to visit again!

Hello Family and Friends,

I realize it has been months since I have last posted anything, and believe me it is not because there is nothing to post. I have just been so busy! Life in Beijing never seems to be dull.  Let's see, the first weekend in April I went to Qingdao with my good friend Karin.  Qingdao is located in the eastern part of China in the Shandong province.  This city is right off the coast, and has a very German influence feel to it. It was such a wonderful trip.

 We did some great hiking and saw amazing views. The pictures do not do any justice!

 Aww beautiful Karin! She is getting married July 7th!

 Yup, here are some model pics!

 Below is the hotel we stayed in. The top is a rotating restaurant! We went twice and it was delicious! We feasted!

Let's see two weeks after Qingdao, I went with some friends to Hong Kong for the weekend!

My kids!

           Honestly I feel like the luckiest girl!  I really do have my dream job, teaching! Seriously it is one of the most fulfilling jobs.  I  love all of my kids. Haha and I do have my little trouble makers.  Luckily I only have 17 students, so I am able to have a little bit of one on one time with them.  

           Currently I am working on autobiographies with my students. I am thoroughly entertained in reading what they write. One of my students wrote about how I send home fun homework assignments except for the spelling, because it is boring. Another student wrote about how when I came into the classroom I taught them the ABC'S and gave them spelling tests. I laughed at this, because I modified President Monson's ABC's in abundant living, for our class. You know the have a positive Attitude, Believe in Yourself, and have the Courage to do what is right! I always bring up the ABC's in the classroom.  As a teacher, you do not just prepare your students to pass the grade, or graduate from school. You prepare your students to make it in the world.  That is why I thought President Monson's ABC's would be appropriate for my classroom. 

             Let's see what else. My school does a huge show once a year.  As soon as I got the job, my team leader informed me that I would have to prepare a number for my students to perform during the Spring Show.  Haha,  I love dancing, but in no way am I a dancer. Here is a little glimpse of what we are doing. Imagine these guys in tiger suits, in a giant theater, with lots of bubbles.  While you watch this video, remember I have no dance background. I did take a dance class my junior year of high school!